this definitely isn’t the way i planned things.
i didn’t plan for my first blog entry to be this one. but today, someone i held in such high regard died, and i feel a little bit lost and i feel a little bit empty. and i guess that’s one of the things that inspires people. inspires me. to write.
today, i feel like a part of my childhood, my adolescence, has been ripped away from me. this person: i didn’t know him; he didn’t know me. but he’s been in my life for as far back as i can remember things. and i feel a little bit broken because of it.
he was in a band. a band i’ve loved since i was a child. since before i knew what they were singing about. that i sat up with a vcr to record on Network 7 one morning with my older sister long before my parents got divorced. that i wasn’t allowed to go to see when they first toured because i was too young. a band that i fell in love with again in the early nineties and finally saw again in 1995, just making the gig by five minutes or so after running from the bus station with a friend and my sister. the gig is still in my top five gigs of all time, standing on the scaffolding to the side of the stage by the coat check at the Manchester Academy, dancing my heart out. my unbroken heart.
i made a pilgrimage to London to see them in 2007. i’d just got married and i had a feeling that if i didn’t see them then, then i would never see them again. i bought tickets off Ebay at a ridiculous price. and i went to see them at the Brixton Academy. and danced my socks off again.
i’m glad i did.
my heart broke today at 18:40 GMT when i heard that Adam Yauch had died.
it broke for all of the times i’d never see him again. it broke for all the times my son would never see him play. it broke for the loss of such an amazing person. it broke for the loss of something that was a part of me.
and i couldn’t let today go by without putting this down somewhere. without saying that he meant something to me.
Adam Yauch, rest in peace.