Monthly Archives: March 2013

a letter came through this afternoon from The Christie telling me that my appointment for tomorrow has been cancelled and instead i have one on the 4th April instead. two more weeks of waiting. it’s torture.

i’m going to have to get over my thing of not doing stuff before i find out what the Cancer situation is, because it could go on forever at this rate and nothing will ever get done. also, if it’s bad news i guess i won’t want or be able to do any of the things anyway, right?

i might need to make another new list.


i crossed two of the things off my last list.

i started on the HRT, and i completed my security clearance forms. i’ve been successfully cleared until 2020. i don’t know how i feel about that, it seems a long way off in my current situation. i guess it’s something to take up with my therapist.

i’ve not touched the kiln yet, and i’ve not done any more de-cluttering. the kiln, that’s been a ‘time’ thing. we need to get me a workbench before i set it up. Also, i knew that i would have wanted to make things if i set up the kiln and i didn’t want to go into the MRI with silver clay particles under my nails. the de-cluttering… i thought i was just being lazy, but the fact is, i want to see what the outcome of the MRI is on Thursday before i decide to keep a bunch of things i don’t need. i guess i don’t see the point of having to go through all of my things again, if the news isn’t good.

because i managed to cross a couple of things off my list, i’m going to add another couple of things:

1) Send off my Student Loans deferment form. i am sorry to say i still do not earn the minimum that would require repayment. this is both a good thing and a bad thing.

2) Go through Lucas’ things and get rid of the things that don’t fit him anymore. i might not be able to de-clutter my own crap out of some sense of morbidity but i can make room in his closets, no problem.

let’s see how i go with these this week.

i seem to have a never ending list of things to do.

here is a list of things i need to do before i go back to work:

1) get my workshop set up. i bought a kiln. just a little one – i used to make jewellery with PMC silver clay, and i always wanted a kiln to fire things with. i’ve had it for two weeks now and it’s still in it’s box, never tried. i’m itching to have a go with it but there’s nowhere to set it up and once it has been set up i don’t want to have to move it. so hopefully i can talk C into helping me out with turning the back bedroom into my workshop in the next couple of weeks.

2) do more de-cluttering. i started off pretty well about a month/six weeks ago. i cleared out some rubbish and i even started to get rid of the baby things. i started to get over the emotional attachment to the things we were saving for the second child i’ll never get to have. and then we had workmen in the house – fitting a new boiler and re-wiring the house and pulling out the old bathroom full of pre-diagnosis memories and putting in the shiny new one that will never see blood – and it stopped. there’s only one more appointment left now, one more day of builders encroaching on my plans. and then i can get back into the sorting. the shredding, the filling charity bags with things i’ll never wear and won’t miss. looking forward to it.

3) sort out my security clearance for work. i need to log onto some website to submit all my details. the link will run out soon. i need to get on with it. i think i will actually do this today because without it i will neither be able to do the job i did before i got sick or be able to get onto my office’s floor. which will increase my chances of being shifted into a new job there. sometimes i wonder how bad that would actually be though.

4) start on my HRT. i’m seeing the doctor today. i’ve put it off for as long as i could because i wasn’t sure about having artificial hormones. that was without understanding why i needed it though i guess. now i’m walking like a sixty year old and i creak when i stand up. hopefully the HRT will reverse this and re-enable my calcium absorption. i’ll miss the hot flushes though. it’s been a nice change to be the one person in the house who is warm.

5) start to look after myself. i’ve finally started to put weight back on after my treatment. so now’s the point where i start to eat better instead of eating all the full-fat stuff the hospital had me on, and can start to do proper exercise again. and take vitamins. and get proper sleep. and take the HRT.

it’s kind of like making resolutions, this. i wonder how i’ll get on.