Today’s Daily Prompt caught my eye: Personal Space. I’m very aware of personal space and invasions of it. Of my personal space, physically. I will visibly cringe if someone sits right next to me on the couch while I’m writing or eating or doing anything other than watching the TV. If there are other places on the sofa available, they are where other people should sit. So I clicked on the link, and found an entirely different context, but one which – if you read my tiny rant of a post yesterday – is still in the forefront of my mind:
“To what extent is your blog a place for your own self-expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that? If sticking to certain topics and types of posts meant your readership would triple, would you do it?”
I started this blog hoping that people would read it, I guess, but really it was just something I wanted to do so that I could write. I never got around to writing about the theme I chose originally. It was supposed to be a blog by a girl writing about how she was trying to get her ducks and debts in order, in order to feel less reckless about trying to have another child with said mess and debts. We stopped using birth control and planned for an ‘accidental pregnancy’ instead. But things never seem to go right for me and although I did get a visitor growing inside me, it wasn’t a baby – it was Cancer instead. Which after Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy has well and truly quashed the baby plan.
For a while, I kept the Cancer part separate. For six months, in fact. I had a separate blog for it. I didn’t want it to be the depressing theme running through this blog. I didn’t want casual readers to search for one thing and then find the big C instead. I don’t know why. I wasn’t ashamed of it, it was nothing to hide. And in the end I found myself posting more and more on this blog and not being in the state of mind to post on the ‘Cancer blog’, even though I was talking about the same thing.
So I merged the two blogs back into this one. And it feels better to me. And it kind of answers the question of whether I’m in charge of the blog or the blog is in charge of me. This is a place for me to express myself, and if people read it, then that makes my day. Anyone who says they wouldn’t like more followers is lying. Making it more niche, having a proper theme to it, yep – it probably would increase traffic. But if I omitted half the things I wanted to write about for fear of people not liking it, then I would be being less honest. It would be fake. And I can’t see the point of that now. Maybe it’s the Cancer talking, I honestly don’t know, but I’m definitely in more of a ‘take me or leave me, I am what I am’ kind of girl these days.
And so is my blog.