I had my operation on 20th February but things are not over once and for all by a long shot. About a week after my operation I was released from hospital, knowing the surgeon had removed all of the tumours but hadn’t been able to remove all of the cancer cells. So I have that lingering at the back of my mind all of the time.
As if that wasn’t bad enough I’ve had post-op problems with my bladder in the shape of a fistula which means I now have nephrostomy tubes connected to my kidneys to get rid of the urine. I went into hospital with a massively high fever and two weeks later I’m out again and home, but still trying to get to grips with my new life. I have a wheelchair downstairs because I’m too weak to walk very far, and I have bags of urine strapped to my legs making it difficult to wear ANYTHING I own outside of the house.
I’m trying not to be miserable. I’m still here, I keep being told. I should look at each day as a gift. But it’s hard. very hard. To walk into a hospital with no pain and no medical appendages and to be wheeled out five weeks later feeling a fraction of the person you were.
I’m off to Devon for a few days after the weekend. I’m hoping it’s sunny so I can get away with maxi-dresses to camouflage the bags. I’m hoping a few days away from home with the family will put things back into perspective for me again. I really do want to feel better.