New Year, Same Old…

I have no new year’s resolutions for 2015.

Usually I have the same old bunch of plans; to lose weight, to eat healthily, to give up or cut down on chocolate. To do more exercise, to make more things, to do more things. To get a new job, to make more friends, to be more social. This year, though, I’ve nothing.

Having lost around three stone (23kg) as a consequence of problems after my operation in February last year, I don’t want or need to lose any more. I’m more selective about what I consume these days, and chocolate is something that I don’t need anymore.

I can’t do exercise anymore. I get too tired too easily and walking is hard, never mind all that jumping about I used to love when I used to do Zumba every week. I’ve acknowledged that I keep buying supplies and never make anything and so I’ve stopped buying supplies. I still have ideas of things to do, but no intention of building an Etsy empire anymore. I did sew a cross stitch picture for my Sister-in-law a few days ago, but the repetition of it left me unable to use my right hand properly until today – a side effect of the chemo I had last year. And I don’t really like going out anywhere anymore.

I’m stupidly lucky to have been able to keep the job I had before all of this started. I don’t go anywhere to be able to make new friends, and I don’t have the energy to see my old friends, never mind new ones. And my social life is down to the bare minimum.

I could make my old resolutions to put a positive spin on this, but my health and pain levels dictate what I’m able to do these days more than my will power does. I have the possibility of more surgery, or more chemo, or both, or worse in the next twelve months; starting anything new would be a waste of my energy.

The only resolution I want to make is to get rid of this cancer, and it’s the only thing completely beyond my control.

1 comment
  1. I’m with you there Lindsey – getting rid of cancer (or at least keeping it stable) is my No 1 resolution! It’s a difficult time of year and I know it’s hard to motivate yourself and make plans when you know what lies ahead…..small steps. I just watched a documentary called ‘Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead’ and it’s inspired me to do a proper juice fast. Who knows if it will have any affect of on the cancer but I’m sure it will help get rid of that Christmas bulge! Anyway Happy New Year! xxx

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